By Shivali Shah, Co-Editor-in-Chief The College Board recently announced a major change in how students can approach their SAT examinations, introducing the SAT-N, or Standardized Academic Test – Nocturnal. No longer will students be forced to spend their Saturday mornings taking the SAT; instead the SAT-N offers a 3:00 a.m. exam start-time. Because the program…
Category: Satire
FBLA Trip Possibly Linked to Local Weather Patterns
By Jonathan Sager, Staff Writer This past march, River Hill’s FBLA club traveled to Ocean City Maryland for the annual State Leadership conference, or the SLC. Strangely, while FBLA was competing in the SLC the weather here in Howard County turned south and became incredibly unpredictable and extreme in the worst ways. In just a…
The Blood Drive’s Secret Investors
By Roshwitha Buduri, Staff Writer This March, River Hill students had the opportunity to donate their blood for a better cause during the school day, finding their experiences alarming in different magnitudes with reports that the Blood Drive’s sponsors may have had a role to play in unnerving situations at the event. The Blood Drive…
Chaos In Choir: The Anti-Singing Club Emerges
By Robert Ortiz, Staff Writer With the midpoint of the school year past, the River Hill choir has been struggling to encourage its members to sing due to the emergence of the Anti-Singing Club, a club dedicated to opposing singing in the choir classroom altogether. Those who have been in the choir for many years…
River Hill’s Newest Spring Sport: Polo
By Adam Hawthorne, Staff Writer In a bold move that has left students both confused and strangely intrigued, River Hill High School has officially announced the addition of a new spring sport: polo. According to an email sent early Monday morning, the administration cited a “desire to expand athletic opportunities” and “bring a touch of…
River Hill Student Passes Driving Test and Immediately “Applies Skills” on the Road
By Layla Abukhdeir, Staff Writer In what administrators are calling “an unexpected but technically enthusiastic outcome,” a River Hill High School student celebrated passing their driving permit test on their second attempt by allegedly taking an unauthorized “practice drive” in a stolen car. On March 25th, River Hill proctored a driving permit test after school…
The Addams Family Production Falls Apart
By Sydney Case, Staff Writer In a shocking turn of events, this year’s production of The Addams Family has officially been declared a complete and total failure by absolutely everyone. What began as a normal rehearsal process quickly spiraled into disaster when, according to multiple sources, the set literally burned down an hour before the…
Cafeteria Food Officially Classified as “Mystery Science Experiment”
By Ethan Guo, Staff Writer In a surprising but not unexpected announcement this week, the school cafeteria’s food has been described by students as a “mystery science experiment” while they try to figure out what they are eating. This idea came after months of confusion about the meals being served. Many students say that the…
Superintendent Barnes Shocked He Got Away With It For So Long
By Benjamin Hong, Co-Editor-in-Chief Disclaimer: This is a work of satire and in no way suggests that this is an actual practice of the Superintendent’s. In a video statement on Tuesday, Howard County Superintendent William Barnes admitted that the district’s inclement weather cancellations were largely based on his daily horoscope. The confession was prompted by…
New Phone Policy: Mrs. Jawhar Leaves No Room for Second Chances
By Millie George, Staff Writer River Hill High School Vice Principal Mrs. Jawhar has officially implemented a new disciplinary policy regarding cellphones: any student caught using their device during school hours must take it to Mrs. Jawhar’s office where she will use her “learning tools” to destroy it. In a bold move, Mrs. Jawhar claims…