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River Hill’s Newest Spring Sport: Polo
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By Adam Hawthorne, Staff Writer In a bold move that has left students both confused and strangely intrigued, River Hill High School has officially announced the addition of a new spring sport: polo. According to an email sent early Monday morning, the administration cited a “desire to expand athletic opportunities” and “bring a touch of…
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River Hill Student Passes Driving Test and Immediately “Applies Skills” on the Road
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By Layla Abukhdeir, Staff Writer In what administrators are calling “an unexpected but technically enthusiastic outcome,” a River Hill High School student celebrated passing their driving permit test on their second attempt by allegedly taking an unauthorized “practice drive” in a stolen car. On March 25th, River Hill proctored a driving permit test after school…
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The Addams Family Production Falls Apart
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By Sydney Case, Staff Writer In a shocking turn of events, this year’s production of The Addams Family has officially been declared a complete and total failure by absolutely everyone. What began as a normal rehearsal process quickly spiraled into disaster when, according to multiple sources, the set literally burned down an hour before the…
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Cafeteria Food Officially Classified as “Mystery Science Experiment”
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By Ethan Guo, Staff Writer In a surprising but not unexpected announcement this week, the school cafeteria’s food has been described by students as a “mystery science experiment” while they try to figure out what they are eating. This idea came after months of confusion about the meals being served. Many students say that the…
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Superintendent Barnes Shocked He Got Away With It For So Long
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By Benjamin Hong, Co-Editor-in-Chief Disclaimer: This is a work of satire and in no way suggests that this is an actual practice of the Superintendent’s. In a video statement on Tuesday, Howard County Superintendent William Barnes admitted that the district’s inclement weather cancellations were largely based on his daily horoscope. The confession was prompted by…
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New Phone Policy: Mrs. Jawhar Leaves No Room for Second Chances
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By Millie George, Staff Writer River Hill High School Vice Principal Mrs. Jawhar has officially implemented a new disciplinary policy regarding cellphones: any student caught using their device during school hours must take it to Mrs. Jawhar’s office where she will use her “learning tools” to destroy it. In a bold move, Mrs. Jawhar claims…
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Breaking: Students Actually Read Assigned Books
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By Abigale Paterniti, Co-Editor-in-Chief For the first time in history, tRiver Hill English Department reports that students have, in fact, read their assigned books, without cramming sparknotes. The discovery was made during a socratic seminar, when multiple students began actually referencing specific scenes, iconic lines, and names of characters. Initially, the English teachers assumed that…
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Senior Capstone Research Project
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By Abi Paterniti, Co-Editor-in-Chief; Maya Gambhir, Staff Writer; and Jennifer Newman, Staff Writer
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